Todd was nauseous after the chemo on Tuesday and so hasn't really eaten anything since then, except maybe part of a popsicle. (He has had fluids). At Thursday's meeting with Dr. Yom he was feeling really down, so unlike himself. She said he was doing great, medically (he's responding to the treatment, his skin still looks good (but very bright red from the radiation), he can still eat solid food (but he has no appetite), pain is not a problem (although nausea is). After Todd went off to his radiation treatment she told me that the feelings of depression kind of go with the territory. But when Todd gets depressed, I get depressed, and it's a feeling I truly hate.
I tried to get him to eat today, and he did have about a scant 1/4 cup of miso soup (the nutritionist suggested eating salty foods to help settle his stomach), and later, about a teaspoon of applesauce. At 1:00 I dropped him off at Kaiser for his IV infusion to help hydrate him. The doctors thought that if he was more hydrated, he'd feel better. When I met up with him in the infusion center he was throwing up. So much for food. I felt defeated...and went out in the empty waiting room to quietly wah wah it out. Alright. Then back downstairs to the pharmacy to order his refills. I'm becoming a 3x a week regular.
I know in talking to Joyce, and another woman who's husband was just finishing radiation, that the eating thing can be the absolute most frustrating for us caregivers. They don't want to eat. They have no appetite. It hurts to swallow. Food doesn't even taste good. Beef is nasty. Certain flavors of popsicles burn, as does pineapple juice, or any citrus. They feel bloated and or nauseaus most of the time. Or they hurt bad. I can see why two of Todd's friends lost 50 lbs each during this ordeal, and why the doctors insist it can be the most difficult challenge. I'm giving up directing this for the time being, as I need a break from the frustration. I provide Todd a glass of peach juice and one of Instant Breakfast made with whole milk and added fiber powder. I'm having an egg on toast. Carolyn's doing soup in a bread bowl. The other two teens are out for the evening.
Jazzy and I took a walk in the dark, and it was the best part of the day for me. We started out at dusk and walked to Mountain View and then up and back down Norris, Poppy Court and Hadden on the way back. Two blocks from our house it started gently misting. Then real rain--we ran home, steamy and wet. When we got back Todd was on the couch, watching the basketball game, his drinks still beside him.
Tomorrow(Sunday): another day. Todd has an IV at Kaiser at 9:00 am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh...no words will alleviate the suffering you are all enduring. No one goes untouched. You are doing a wonderful job of caring for Todd and attempting to care for yourself, as well. Not to mention the kids and work. That walk you took in the evening was probably better than any therapy you could have paid cash for!
ReplyDeleteTodd will get through this. He will feel well again and return to his vivacious self. A few more weeks of this struggle and then you can look forward to his recovery process. Just continue to provide him the food options you can and encourage him to do the best he can. Let the doctors give him the message too(about eating)so you are not the only voice.
You are right - tomorrow is another day and then there will be fewer of these down days to count off. Stay as positive and strong as you possibly can for Todd, for yourself and for the kids. And don't forget to lean on your friends for help. We're here at your beck and call.
Thanks for posting Bonnie. Hugs to you all.