Mother's Day 2009

I had a lovely Mother's Day. Todd and Carolyn snuck out to go shopping yesterday under the guise of her getting some driving practice. He got me a beautiful "mushy" card and two really pretty necklaces.

Todd and I were up well before the kids this morning, so we went out and sat in my garden. Daisies, orange California poppies and roses are all in bloom! The kids eventually joined us in their pjs. Lauren made me a card in the cut-out shape of the word "MOM", painted in green and blues with tiny pink waterlilies -- Monet inspired! She is so creative. She made Todd a birthday card this year that looks like a little box. When you slide off the ribbon bow, the box opens to 5 little Brookhart people - each with a photo head! She also gave me some flowering plants for the garden and she and Dash each got me a glass "mushroom" garden ornament. One is orange with yellow swirls, the other is irridescent green. Dash made a card all in Spanish! We all look forward to his special cards, as he has an offbeat sense of humor. Carolyn said her gift was still being worked on. She likes to do hers after-the-fact. She will surprise me with her creativity! She did let me hug and kiss her several times today, which is a lovely treat. The kids washed my car, had a squirt gun fight and then I helped the girls clean out the garage a little (mostly Lauren's doing). Carolyn helped me hang the hammock in a secret place amongst our redwoods. Dash played "Blackbird" on the guitar for me as a final treat.

I didn't want to go out for dinner, as Todd is not up for that. I thought about taking everyone to see Star Trek, but nixed that idea for the same reason. I didn't want to leave him home. He is still only eating jello, besides the Ensures, and being out yesterday for that bit exhausted him for the rest of the day. So the kids and I piled into my clean white car and we went to In-N-Out for burgers! Fabulous! We went through the drive-through! We brought Todd a vanilla milkshake, but he wasn't up for more than a few sips.

Both today and yesterday Todd had good days, but then vomited in the evening. I have emailed his doctor to see if she has any ideas why, and I will try to get him IV fluids tomorrow to make up for what he's lost. He is now entering his 6th week post-treatment. Doctors have said that people often see some good improvements 6-8 weeks after treatment, so I am hoping that will be Todd's experience as well. His throat is still so sore. We are very careful now to renew the pain patches a bit early to avoid more unnecessary pain.

We just so want this to be OVER! It is amazingly depressing how debilitating the cancer treatment is. People told us over and over how slow the recovery would be, but I guess it is human nature to believe that your experience will be better, just through sheer force of will.
You slog through the treatment phase, counting down the days until you are done. But you are NO WAY near done! These 5 weeks post-treatment have really gone by quickly, and Todd has markedly improved his quality of life, but he still can't eat, and who knows when that will happen. Ah well, onward we forge...we will not give up...

Improvements we've seen:
He's on fewer drugs = he's more himself.
His voice is back.
He has a little bit more energy each week.
He can eat jello, canned peaches (cold and slippery works best)
He can taste some things (but can't taste sugar)
He is sleeping better (and can sleep on 1-2 pillows, instead of sleeping sitting up).
Issues with night phlem are maybe 1x, not 10x (which means I am sleeping better, as well)
Dr. Yom said his salivary function was better than she expected at this time.
His ability to concentrate has increased a little bit each week.
He is ocassionally grumpy, an emotion he was too out of it to express earlier. (My grandma always said, "When they're a little crabby, you know they're starting to feel a little better!")
He is taking a little more interest in the world around him.

I always feel better when I do my list, whether it is like the one above, or my list of people like you who have kept us close. When I have trouble falling asleep, I think "I am grateful, I am so grateful..." and I always fall asleep before I finish my list of things or people I am grateful for. Good night!